A Purpose in the Past Read online

  “Oh-” Anna gasped. “My cardigan!” Anna sat in the mud for a moment, stunned, and shrugged off her cardigan, feeling a spike of sadness that it was ruined.

  “Anna!” Her mother called, and Anna looked back, not wanting to go home if Paul was there – she didn’t belong in that house.

  “Come with me!” An omniscient voice spoke to her. She saw a golden light ahead of the trees, beckoning her. “Come quick!”

  Anna scrambled up from the mud, feeling that the golden light would lead her to safety and solitude somehow.

  “Go, Anna. Go!” The golden light swirled around her, giving her a sense of peace.

  And so, feeling no other option, she went with the calming light.

  After running so far that she could only see the light of her house as a pinprick in the distance, Anna stopped and knelt against a willow tree, gasping for breath.

  Anna shivered, hands shaking, legs unsteady.

  She stood in the middle of the forest for a very long time. The golden light had disappeared – she was alone in the dead of night. She watched puddles gather around her feet, her red hair stuck to her shoulders. Anna found that the pitter-patter of the water was calming. She sat against the tree, took off her headphones and set them beside her, then steadied her rapid panicked breathing.

  Breathe in, two, three, four.

  Breathe out, two, three, four.

  She put her hands on her knees and lifted her gaze upward.

  The clouds are big and dark grey. Anna thought while a rumble sounded. This isn’t any normal storm. I’m not supposed to be here; I’m supposed to be at home.

  “Stay here.” The golden light whispered and appeared again briefly before it soared upward into the clouds.

  This isn’t so bad. She thought, the golden light erasing her fear. This can be a temporary home; the rain won’t hurt me.

  Then, the streaks of silver started.

  Anna was mesmerised. The lightning sparkled, and the rain fell on her face. The thunder grew in noise, and Anna, who was normally so put off and afraid of loud noises, relished the new experience of being outside in a dangerous storm. The air grew darker, and soil whipped up from the ground creating hypnotic circles around her so that she felt dizzy. The wind threw her hair about her face, and still, she sat there under the largest willow tree in the forest, every inch of her doused in water, her feet submerged in the puddles.

  She didn’t notice that as time passed, the lightning drew closer and closer, and the weather became more vicious rather than as beautiful as she first thought it was.

  Anna didn’t realise the danger until it was too late.

  Until the silver she had admired speared into her chest and caused her to collapse against the tree she had taken refuge under.

  The smell of her burned flesh would have overwhelmed her senses if she had been awake.

  2. Monika

  Nuremberg, Germany

  “OUCH!” MONIKA HAD GOTTEN another splinter. She hated gathering wood for the fire. No – she despised it, in fact.

  She grumbled as she flicked her dark fringe out of her eyes and pulled the piece of wood from her finger.

  She would’ve worn her gloves, but they didn’t fit anymore. They had been added to the fire as soon as she noticed. Every little thing mattered in the winter – even a child’s old gloves.

  Monika tried not to stumble through the snow in the forest; in January, you could never tell where the roots of the trees were waiting to trip you up. However, as she did this every day at sunrise, she took the steps out of habit.

  Hop to the left, two steps forward, then a hop to the right. Monika told herself, and on her final hop, she stumbled, almost losing her balance.

  “Whoops!” Monika laughed; she was very used to her own company – not many of the girls at school talked to her.

  They think me too wild. Monika thought, smirking as she turned around on her foot playfully like a ballerina, the snow edging in through the holes in her boots. She bowed to the mother bird sitting on the willow tree branch ahead of her.

  “Did you like my performance, little birdy?” Monika laughed and skipped towards the bird, but it took off abruptly. “Ah, Zurückkommen!” Monika shouted for the bird to return, but it ignored her, flying up into the clouds.

  Though Monika hated collecting firewood, she liked the mornings when the sun shone on her face, warmth tickling her neck, with the birds singing their sunrise song. Getting up early for this was worth it, even if it meant she was tired during the long hours at school.

  Usually, there would be fallen branches from the trees around this corner and... ah yes, a prize for herself. She piled the wood on top of one another and turned around to return home until she saw the most peculiar sight.

  A girl.

  Not one Monika recognised, and Monika knew a fair amount of people. She wore only a white nightdress, and her red hair was vivid against the piles of snow covering her. Monika dropped her wood from shock and hurried to the girl’s side.

  Was she dead? The girl did look very pale, and her lips were slightly blue.

  Hesitantly, Monika poked the girl’s face a few times. The girl did not move.

  Monika leant down to hear if she was breathing and noticed that there were snow droplets on her eyelashes.

  The girl’s eyes opened.

  “AH!” Monika’s heart leapt, and she scrambled backwards.

  The girl sat up quickly and looked at Monika with fear-filled green eyes.

  “You’re not dead.” The girl shook her head slightly, scooting away from Monika.

  “I won’t hurt you.” Monika gave her a tentative smile. “Mein Name ist Monika.” She held out her hand for a handshake.

  The girl stared at Monika’s hand and didn’t take it. Monika lowered her hand in disappointment.

  “I don’t think I’ve seen you in town? What are you doing out here lying in the snow?” Monika asked the girl but still got no response. “Are you in shock? Well, I guess you wouldn't be able to tell me if you were. Ich bin dumm.” Monika slapped her forehead, feeling stupid.

  The girl began to fidget, tapping her fingers on the snow below her whilst avoiding Monika’s eyes.

  “Where do you live?” Monika asked.

  Silence.

  Monika stared at the girl, unsure of what to do next. She decided to stand up and take off her coat. The girl was still shivering, and her Papa had always told Monika to wrap up warm to avoid becoming ill.

  “Why don’t you come with me?” Monika asked. The girl shook her head. Monika tried not to look too disappointed. “Until you want to talk to me, have my coat. You’ll turn into an icicle.”

  The other girl reached for the coat, eyes wide in fear. She snatched it, as if afraid Monika would take it back.

  “I won’t take it from you,” Monika assured her. “Are you hungry?” Monika asked the girl, and after a few moments, the girl nodded.

  Nodding was progress. Monika could work with that.

  “I’ll be back,” Monika assured the girl and rushed out of the forest, waving to the birds as she ran towards her home. Monika had been on this street for all twelve years of her life and knew every little divot in the road, every single shop and every single inhabitant in the apartments above. The shops and houses were terraced. They formed a never-ending queue of white-painted houses with black accents and rooftops. Newly released automobiles drove slowly, careful not to knock any children over walking with their parents to school. Most rode bicycles, Monika had always wanted one, yet her Papa couldn’t afford it. People opened their shops and businesses, and Monika waved at them as she passed.

  “Guten Morgen, Frau Heimlich!”

  “Guten Morgen my Knüddlebar!” The elderly woman blew a kiss to her and opened the door to her Washeteria, where Monika would go after school every day for a chat while their clothes washed. Frau Heimlich was her stand-in mother, someone she could go to for absolutely everything.

  “The tea will be waiting this
afternoon!” Frau Heimlich called. Monika gave her a thumbs up as she skipped past the Washeteria. Monika stopped before her father’s shoe shop ‘Luxuriӧse Schuhe’, and watched her father measure a little boy’s feet through the window. Her father was very tall, and he had a small bald patch in the centre of his scalp that Monika joked was the size of a Reichsmark coin. He always wore a long-sleeved shirt (that was once white but was now more of a grey), a cardigan to keep him warm, and a pair of plaid trousers. He couldn’t afford new ones, so he wore red suspenders to keep his trousers upright, and not down by his ankles. He was constantly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, as his nose was almost a perfect slope. On his feet were a pair of practical shoes that he had made himself.

  Monika looked down at her big boots. They were slightly too large for her, the soles falling off, so she wore two pairs of socks to keep them in place. Monika would have preferred some brogues, shined to perfection, like all of the other girls in her class.

  Wasn’t it ironic she was a shoemaker’s daughter yet couldn’t have any new shoes?

  When she mentioned this to her Papa, he said, “Well, if you had to run from danger, you could get away in those shoes. They’re practical, my dear.”

  But when would Monika ever need to run from danger? This was Nuremberg. It was a peaceful place.

  Relatively.

  Monika knocked on the window, and her Papa looked up.

  “Hallo, Papa!” Monika called as she ran through the shop, jumping over the customer's feet as she went, and opened the door that led to the spiral stone staircase. She took the steps two at a time, almost slipping on the final steps and arrived in the small living space. It was probably fifteen feet long. Monika wished it was bigger, but it would do until Monika got a job and became really successful! Her Papa wouldn’t have to work as hard and would finally get a break. A single bed was pushed against the banister of the stone steps and was covered with a threadbare grey blanket. She straightened it, so it covered the pillow and she caught a whiff of smoke from the fireplace, her small collection of books beside it. The kitchen was at the very back of the room with a metal sink filled with two dirty plates and two pairs of cutlery, standing next to the stove oven. On the other side of the sink was a small waist-height refrigerator and a chipped board leant against it. The family had a small dining table, with some rickety chairs that looked close to falling apart under it. Monika’s favourite pair of old but comfortable-looking armchairs were placed by the only window at the end of the room.

  It wasn’t much, but it was home.

  Monika rushed across the wooden floorboards, creaking with each step she took.

  “Where is the bread?” She asked herself urgently, scanning the kitchen. “Don’t tell me Papa finished it again in the middle of the night!” Monika groaned, pulled the dining chair over to the kitchen area and stood on top of it to look at the highest food shelf.

  Ah, there it is. She grabbed the heel of the bread and filled a mug with water. She ran down the steps, opening the wooden door into the shop with her hip.

  “Monika, where are you off to? You have school in an hour!” Her Papa shouted after her.

  “I’ll be back, Papa! Versprechen!” She promised.

  Monika’s boots clattered on the cobblestone street underneath her; she was careful not to spill too much of the water, tongue sticking out in concentration. Monika rounded the corner into the woods, boots crunching upon the snow that had fallen the night before. The girl must have been freezing last night. Monika thought. How did she end up outside?

  She spied the large willow tree not too far ahead and did the little dance she always did.

  One hop to the left, two steps forward and a hop to the right. No twirl this time. Monika was on a mission.

  The girl looked up fearfully at the sound of Monika’s approach.

  “Only me!” Monika gave the girl what she hoped was a calming smile. “I have some bread and water. It’s not a lot, but...” She reached it out towards the girl, remembering to keep her distance.

  Monika watched as the girl drained the mug of water in one go and nibbled at the bread. The city bell rang eight in the morning, and the girl recoiled at the echoing sound.

  “Ah, the time!” Monika stood up and brushed the snow off of her legs. “I have to go to school. Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to my Papa? He’ll be able to help you.” Monika asked, but the girl just shook her head again.

  Monika nodded in response. “That’s okay just...stay warm, and I’ll be back after school. Is that ok?” The girl’s eyes were wide, but after a moment of thinking, she nodded.

  “Auf Wiedersehen.” Monika waved and turned to leave, realising that she was supposed to take some of her books to school today, and she still needed to make Papa a drink while he worked -

  “Anna.” Monika halted and looked at the girl who had spoken in a shaky voice. She was now sitting up straight, watching Monika go.

  “Mein Name ist Anna.” The girl repeated, and Monika smiled.

  “Nice to meet you, Anna,” Monika said and left the forest to go to school.

  All day at school, Monika worried about Anna. Maybe she is too cold? Surely, she can’t stay outside forever. She thought. She told me her name, at least.

  “Frӓulein Lewenberg!” Monika’s teacher shouted at her. “What makes you think that you can vandalise my desk?” Monika looked up, having not realised she’d been drawing circles on the wood.

  “Es tut mir leid Herr Bӓr.” Monika sat straighter at her desk, focusing on the chalkboard ahead of her, copying down the maths equations. Monika found it quite confusing. Sometimes when she read anything, the shapes blurred. She thought she might need glasses like her Papa. Monika hadn’t said anything about it. We don’t have enough money to buy an extra helping of bread, let alone enough for glasses. Instead, she had asked to be moved closer to the board, which meant that if she even got slightly distracted, her teachers would notice instantly.

  Monika was calculating the first equation, squinting extra hard at the chalkboard to make the shapes clearer, but then she blinked, and a clear image formed in her vision.

  “Anna!” A woman’s voice called. Monika saw Anna sitting in a puddle of mud, panic on her face. Monika recognised the forest around her as the very same one she had entered that very morning, but there was no snow on the landscape, instead, the grass was overgrown. Rain began to pour down, soaking Anna’s clothes, causing her to shiver.

  “Come with me.” Monika heard a voice say. Anna looked behind her and then scrambled up out of the mud, following something Monika herself could not see. Anna leant against a familiar willow tree, gasping for breath, and thunder sounded.

  Monika blinked, and she was back in her classroom. What had just happened?

  Ring! Ring! Monika jumped at the sound of the lunch bell and left the classroom, her mind spinning.

  3. Anna

  Nuremberg, Germany

  SHE LEANT AGAINST THE bark of the willow tree, legs frozen from the snow. The forest seemed so familiar, but something was different. Surely, her mother should have found her by now?

  She had never seen someone dressed as oddly as Monika, her clothes and shoes old-fashioned. Anna had looked down at her outfit, surprised to see that it was not what she remembered putting on. Instead, she was in a plain white nightdress - when had she gotten changed?

  She last remembered boarding the bus to go home. Have I been in an accident?

  Monika had left her hours ago, Anna feeling too disoriented to move. It hurt to breathe, and her head was fuzzy as if cotton wool had been stuffed into her skull. Eyes down, she noticed the rash upon her wrists that looked like lightning bolts. She had never experienced a rash like this before...

  She huddled in Monika’s coat, the lining thick enough to keep her warm. That was nice of her. Anna thought, listening to the birds singing their sweet song.

  I don’t like it out here. Anna looked up at the branches. Where did the snow com
e from? Where had the overgrown grass gone?

  She wished to be back in her house, sitting and watching a new documentary. What was the last one she just watched? She couldn’t remember the name of it right now, but when she got home, she would remember. Digging her toes into the snow, she stood up, her head feeling heavy. Her legs were stronger than hours before. All she needed was to rest for a while.

  Paul would have left by now. I’ll be safe with mother. She thought as she brushed the snow off of her legs. But hadn’t Monika told her to wait for her and not move?

  It’s okay. I know this area. Scratching at the rash on her wrists, Anna searched for home.

  Anna felt the biting cold on her bare feet, her toes sinking into the powder like snow. She could smell smoke too. She paused. Was there a fire?

  Anna rounded the corner of the forest pathway and expected to see the wooden gate that blocked it off from visitors, but instead, there was an empty space.

  That’s odd.

  She expected to see the newly cemented road, where buses and cars usually drove back and forth. She was expecting to see the block of flats at the end of her street, next to her favourite restaurant and the library. But instead, there was a cobblestone street, with crowds of people walking with old-fashioned prams and bicycles, and there were shops lined up that she didn’t recognise.

  Anna frowned. Had she made a wrong turn?